Who Really Am I? Identity, Values, and Sexuality Explored Through an ACT Lens
By: Sarah Herbert, LMHC-A | PILLARS OF WELLNESS
During some point in our lives, we ask ourselves a question: Who am I?
Not the version of ourselves that has to rely on the expectations of other people. Not the other version of ourselves that tries to shrink down to make space for what others want. The true version of ourselves—hidden deep down beneath the noise of what is demanded of us.
For the LGBTQ+ community, this question can carry significant weight. Identity and sexuality don’t just immediately click into place. You may spend a long period of time trying to be the version of yourself that other people required you to be—or even who you believed you had to be—for a sense of belonging, survival, or even love. When that version of ourselves begins to crumble, it can be incredibly hard to understand who we truly are underneath it all.
You Are More Than Just Your Thoughts
Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) centers around a powerful idea: you are not your thoughts. Thoughts along the lines of “I’m a bad person,” “I’m a burden to other people,” or “What if I’m wrong about my identity?” can feel convincing and overwhelming. The great part about ACT is the gentle alternative it offers: noticing the thoughts you find yourself having without letting them define who you are.
ACT helps change the conversation from “Is this thought I’m thinking true?” into “Is this thought that I’m thinking helpful to me?”
Especially when it comes to sexuality and identity, accepting our inner dialogue with curiosity instead of judgment can lift the weight off your shoulders.
Values Acting as a Direction, Not as Set Limits
ACT focuses on values—specifically values that have to do with things that deeply matter to you. Values such as empathy, kindness, honesty, compassion, freedom, and courage are examples of the values that ACT puts emphasis on. When you find yourself struggling with identity, take a look at your relationships and how they reflect on you:
- How do I want to treat other people?
- What kind of relationships are meaningful to me?
- How do I show myself care and kindness?
This isn’t a step-by-step instruction manual to force a concrete conclusion. ACT provides you the framework to put the power in your hands, giving you the ability to guide your choices and explore who you are.
Be Okay with Not Feeling Okay
Exploring identity can be really scary, especially if you have no idea where to start. Questions that come from identity and sexuality exploration can bring worry, doubt, and the fear of “getting things wrong.” ACT places emphasis not on getting rid of these heavier feelings, but on making room for yourself to feel the feelings. Feelings are just that—feelings. Like waves on a beach shore, they come and then they go. Some waves might be bigger and stronger than others, but no wave is going to last forever.
Overall Takeaways
So, when you find yourself thinking, “Who am I?”, ACT has that gentle response already prepared for you: “You are the one moving toward what truly matters to you.”
You are enough, you are doing your best, and you are allowed to explore identity at your own pace—guided by the values you hold close.
If you or someone you know could benefit from support, Pillars of Wellness is here to help. We have dozens of trained clinicians ready to support you, so please visit pillarsinspires.com or call (219) 323-3311 for more information or to schedule an intake. Most insurances are accepted.